What makes you feel damn GOOD
Can revitalize your creative mojo.
Well… June kicked my ass.
It zapped my energy, and creativity and that’s why you’re only hearing from me now.
When the air wasn’t trying to choke me, the heat was perfectly happy to step in as my torturer and curse me with swollen joints. And that’s all while I’ve been getting acquainted with my annoying new friends, perimenopause and hot flashes.
June was a month that began with a mammogram and then ended with a second one.
And setting up both included me receiving multiple frantic phone calls from my doctor’s office and a hospital.
During the time and space between those two fun moments of boob squishing, I:
Dealt with not one, but two, writing workshop facilitators who thought it was fine and dandy to casually share stories that include the N-word and racist imagery because they felt those stories, written decades ago, expertly demonstrated elements of the craft of writing.
The first one I objected to after it was sent in advance of our first meeting. After some email back and forth with the facilitator, they chose another story. Didn’t take long for them to find it either… which means if they had just put a teeny-tiny bit more of an effort in, they could have made a less violent choice in the first place. (FFS)
The second instance happened live, about a week later, while I was in a Zoom workshop. We were almost at the end of our time when it popped up on the screen and the facilitator read the passage out loud but knocked on their desk instead of saying the N-word. My camera was already off, so no one saw me crumple in on myself.
Received more rejections for my writing.
But a lovely rejection came from one literary magazine that’s high up on my list of places where I want to be published! They encouraged me to send them more of my work, and the way they worded it made me go back to review some of my more recent rejections letters. I was surprised by how many of them had also asked me to send them more of my work. Apparently, I need a little time to pass before I can appreciate the positives of a rejection. While it’s no where near a guarantee that I’ll ever be published in these places, it gave me hope. It was a nice little boost to help me navigate the struggles I’m slowly working through with a few short stories (or “little stories” as my dad calls them) that I’m currently working on.
Visited the new school my kid will be attending in the fall… and remembered why everyone in my household has loved being away from a physical school… and crowds of people… since my kid has been learning remotely since 2020.
He got accepted into a program that he’s excited to try and it’s only available in-person so there’s a whole heap of feels and fears I’m currently working through. That’s in addition to being a very proud mama who’s excited to see what my kid will discover about himself and the people he gets to work with.
Sat with (and am still sitting with) the news of a recent, and violent hate crime at a local University that left people injured and worried about the aftermath and future attacks.
The same University where my kid is registered for one of their day camps this summer.
Spoke up about something that I witnessed, and didn’t like, in a writing group I’ve been attending weekly.
During the following discussion(s) about the incident, it became clear to me that the best option for my energy, peace, and sanity was to leave the group. So I did.
It also made me realize that I needed to make a tough decision and reduce interactions with someone I consider a friend.
Even though these are things I chose to do, I’m still grieving these losses. And, at the same time, I’m also grateful for the and space these losses have given me. I no longer feel weighed down with as many worries about what I can say or do differently to ease someone else’s discomfort while I ignore my own.
And with that extra space I gave myself by getting out of situations that were no longer ideal for me, my creative mojo’s pulse returned!
I’m also certain my awesome mammogram tech (for both of my appointments!) passing along the radiologist’s “it’s clear” after seeing my second scans, helped with that too.
I took the ‘it’s clear’ to mean that I had nothing to worry about. And I haven’t received a frantic call from a medical establishment yet, so I take that as a good sign. But yes, I’ll be following up with my doctor to be sure.
So while my creative pulse is still faint, which makes it hard to find sometimes, it’s getting stronger.
As heavy as June got for me, it was also full of moments of great lightness and joy.
Some of it was spontaneous and occurred with little thought. (Like the time my favourite dog friend decided to clearly show me how much they missed me during a surprise reunion.) Other times, the lightness only came after much deliberation and mentally duking it out with doubt.
Deciding whether or not to leave spaces that no longer felt like a right fit for me made me think a lot about ALL the spaces I’ve ever been in. The good, the bad and the ugly ones.
I just told you about a few that I’ve been in recently that would fall somewhere on the bad and ugly spectrum of spaces.
But to save myself from fixating on those spaces, I’m putting more focus on the spaces that make me feel good. No, not just good… damn GOOD.
The kind of spaces, places, or situations that delight you for whatever reason. Hopefully for a variety of reasons. They make you feel like you’re buzzing with excitement.
These spaces can make you feel all tingly inside whether you’re actually there or a memory comes to mind. It could be anything from:
Visiting an office where the entire medical staff wear well fitted masks no matter a patient’s medical history or health.
Walking behind Seljalandsfoss waterfall in Iceland, high off negative ions while wearing your purple poncho of joy.
Organizing your home office and bedroom so you feel like you’re living in a different, and better, house but it only cost you the price of two new IKEA bookshelves.
Why was I the last to realize that having enough shelving to hold ALL my books, that used to loiter in death-trap piles on the floor, plus a few more new ones that everyone knows I’ll soon buy, would make me absolutely giddy?
The making and eating of the perfect omelette you cooked with the asparagus your friend gifted you from their garden. It paired nicely with a side of also gifted, home-grown cherries.
Image Description: This disorganized view above my desk in my newly organized office is sponsored by various cards, notes, and artwork from friends and my kid. (And yes, I totally hear Eartha Kitt’s voice in my head when I read the words “RAWR Motherfucker!” that are written on her image.) Above the Eartha Kitt card is a white rectangular card with blue writing on it that says, “i’m trying to be awesome today, but i’m exhausted from being so awesome yesterday”
What are the spaces, places, situations, and people who make YOU feel damn good?
Remember that they are life-giving, and I hope you’re surrounded by them often.
Enjoy the rest of your day.
PS. Season two of Somebody Somewhere (HBO) made me laugh and cry and often within a matter of minutes in an episode. Thank goodness it’s been renewed for season 3!!!
The song i like what I like by K!MMORTAL has become a new favourite quickly. This link will take you to the music video on YouTube.
To me, the winner of Eurovision 2023 was Hannah Waddingham as host. Just like last year, my kid and I spent another weekend watching Eurovision, and in addition to coming away with new music that we’re listening to on repeat, we have an even deeper appreciation for the person who plays Rebecca Welton on Ted Lasso.
And speaking of Ted Lasso (Apple TV+), WHAT A FINALE! I cheered, laughed, cried, and gasped my way through it. It’s one of the most satisfying finales I’ve ever seen.
I LOVED season 2 of The Bear (FX)! Maybe even more than the first, and I didn’t think that would be possible. And what about THAT Christmas episode? I had to remind myself to breathe several times and close my gapping mouth while my eyes never left what was happening on the screen.
Hijack (Apple TV+) has hooked me. And not just because it stars Idris Elba. It’s ridiculous the amount of crap I’ve watched because of that pretty man, but thankfully, Hijack, isn’t crap. At least it isn’t so far. Only three out of the seven episodes have aired.
I think this morning routine will be influencing my morning routine.
Gawwwwwwd I loved Somebody Somewhere so much. So excited it was renewed for S3!
Sorry about the shitstorm(s). Thanks for the Somebody Somewhere tip — I'd forgotten I meant to watch it! Glad it's as good as I'd suspected it was.
xMarsha