Many, many moons ago I wore polyester suits to important meetings, clogged all my pores with a full face of makeup, and pretended to enjoy battling traffic twice a day during my one-hour commute to and from work. In exchange, I’d spend 8–12 hours in windowless cubicles and boardrooms for not nearly enough pay.
On one of those days, I received a warning about the man, a big muckety-muck, who was about to become the head of my new department.
The department was already full of men. I was one of only two women who had just started working with the group (we didn’t like each other and we were both bad at hiding this fact). It wasn’t my ideal work situation even though the role I ultimately accepted was created for me.
I hadn’t been asked if I wanted it. I didn’t want it, and yet I was expected to take it.
When the offer letter was placed in front of me, I refused to sign it. This created a bit of a tizzy around the office. People asked me to reconsider. More than once. My manager at the time was pressuring me to sign the letter because she told me she’d be forced to make my current role obsolete if I didn’t.
Eventually, a vice-president was tasked with convincing me to accept it. He said all the right things. I was impressed and looked forward to working with him. I signed my offer letter.
Fun fact: This same vice-president resigned shortly after speaking with me. His reasoning for leaving the company: he didn’t want to accept the next position that HE was being pushed into.
So now I was in a job that I didn’t want, feeling like I’d been tricked/forced into it, and soon there would be a new boss. A boss that came with a warning.
One of my new co-workers shared it with us. He’d worked with the new boss a few years before. A group of us huddled around this guy’s desk and asked him to tell us what to expect.
He put his hand to his mouth while he thought about what to say.
Then he moved his hand away, opened his mouth as if he was going to speak, but stopped himself a few times before words could escape. (He knew how to add drama to his delivery.)
Finally, he takes a deep breath, sighs, then says that the big muckety-muck, “really likes yes-men. Just agree to everything he says. Tell him what he wants to hear, and you’ll be ok.”
Internally to myself: FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
Externally: I’m pretty sure I made a face like he had just farted as soon I heard “yes-men” because while I’m a lot of things, I don’t consider myself to be a “yes-man”. And I think I just shared with you one way I’d shown this company that I’m not.
Now I was familiar with this big muckety-muck from afar. We’d worked together indirectly before. He didn’t say much, but when he spoke, people listened. And I’d seen some of them stumble over themselves when dealing with him. I didn’t understand why. But after what I’d just experienced, it took little for me to convince myself that I was about to be working for a horrible brute who would likely coerce his direct reports to do what he wanted them to.
Cut to finally working directly with the big muckety-muck. I don’t think I did this consciously, but I observed his interactions with each of us in our group meetings. We were working on an extensive project. There were a lot of these meetings that went on for longer than they should. It meant I had lots of time to watch and learn. He seemed kind and patient, he didn’t care for bullshit and he was good at keeping projects moving forward. I was enjoying working with him because he was clear and direct. But I was also worried that he was fooling me somehow.
It became clear who amongst my colleagues was vying for the top “yes-man” position before they understood what that really meant. Their heads bobbled up and down in agreement whenever the big muckety-muck said anything. But they were often too pre-occupied to really hear what he said. (They did this to other people too). Eager to please, they agreed to things before they realize what they had done. They ignored priorities because they were neglectful. When the big muckety-muck asked them direct questions, they offered ambiguous answers. Misunderstandings ensued.
But the big muckety-muck wasn’t a big fan of misunderstandings since they wasted time and money. If he had shared guidance and resources so that people could bring him a solution, but they seemed incapable of doing so, even after lending them an even bigger hand, he switched to giving direct orders to speed things along. The big muckety-muck broke the process down into sections that people could easily say “yes” to and follow so that business would continue.
This was the main reason the big muckety-muck came with that warning we gossiped about before he arrived.
Based on my observations of what was actually happening, our new boss wasn’t looking to force anyone to do anything. He was a mentor that wanted people to think for themselves. Even if you ended up disagreeing with him or correcting him. He’d be your biggest champion if he could see you working well with others. Especially if you focused on the best possible outcome for all sides. I went into our working relationship expecting the worse, but ended up being delightfully surprised.
I may not have been able to discover that if I hadn’t taken the time to pause and observe what was really happening. And after everything I experienced in getting that position in the company, it wasn’t a simple thing to do.
Jumping ahead seventeen years, and it’s now the beginning of 2023 and this old story has been bouncing around my head for weeks.
I do my best to enter each new year as gently as possible. Resolutions are useless to me, and any “new year, new you” rhetoric makes me want to throw up a little in my mouth. So, I avoid it all. Sometimes I pick a word, or two, for the year. Sometimes I don’t and my year has never suffered for it.
Anticipating the new year, I sought out a few “year ahead” readings. Each one invited me to stay on track with the gentle start I crave. It was suggested that I could use the time to observe where in my life I’m expending my energy for very little to no reward.
Last year was quite a ride (click here to read a recap of 2022). Which made me be even more intentional to welcome the new year slowly and spend some time noticing how I was feeling and why.
Really, I cleared my January calendar hoping I’d be recovering from a tonsillectomy by now, but guess who still has tonsils?! (No surgery date in sight. And after being told continually that my surgery could happen in 6 months—it’s been over 6 months already—my ear-nose-throat specialist’s office recently let slip that they still have patients who have been waiting since 2021. This news almost broke me.)
But now, I’m using this time to observe what’s draining me. Like:
Being asked (more than once) to sign insurance forms with false information to see if my new insurance will cover my life-saving rheumatoid arthritis medication. (I only signed the copy I corrected and I have no updates on the approval process after two months of waiting.)
Following-up with service providers who insist on getting paid promptly but forget to send an invoice so that can happen. (Fingers crossed I’ll receive the final product when it’s been promised.)
Living with my menfolk when they mistake me for their maid. (Strikes work!)
And thanks to my “year ahead” readings, I was reminded me I’m at my best when I’m focusing on my joy and creativity.
So, I doubled down.
I’ve been carrying my visual journal around the house with me so that it’s always handy and I can use spare moments to build a piece of art that I enjoyed making and that often reflects some wisdom that I need, back to me.
Click here to view the below images as a video (it’s best with sound on).
Christmas gifted me with a sewing machine. I haven’t used one since my home economics class in middle school, but all those seasons of The Great British Sewing Bee I binged last year convinced me I NEEDED a sewing machine. The first thing I made was a headband out of an old scarf and now I’m hooked.
I’ve since made even more headbands, all different styles simply to practice working with various types of fabric and techniques so that maybe, eventually, I’ll work my way up to making real clothing that I can wear. And I’m slowing incorporating sewing machine stitches into my visible mending!
All these creative endeavours have helped me get into that state where everything just seems to flow. Do you know that state? Time seems to track differently when you’re in it. It doesn’t matter if hours have passed or only seconds, you’re just amazed at what you’ve accomplished, or have been able to realize, with what felt like very little effort on your part.
It tends to be a space where I’ve been able to notice patterns and insights I couldn’t before. And once I’m aware of them, I get to decide if I want to leave them be or if something needs to shift so that I can see a change.
Some people can enter that flow state while sitting still in meditation. Occasionally I can.
But more often, these intuitive insights of mine come through the loudest while I’m making and creating.
So when the first few weeks of the year already feel like they’ve lasted too long, I’m going to honour what’s helping me get through them by continuing to make fun messes!
If you’d like to inject some newness into your creative practice, consider joining Exploring Creative Connection. Especially if you enjoy being encouraged to explore your curiosity and want to be guided by what you feel inside during the process, rather than killing yourself to make the final product perfect. Our next gathering is happening in February. Click here if you’re interested in learning more so you can join us.
What have you observed, so far, in your new year?
Enjoy the rest of your day.
PS. I’ve been on a bit of a BBC One network binge lately. It began with Sherwood which kept me guessing almost to the very end. The Responder felt too intense when I started watching it and I needed to take a break after the first episode. But I tried it again once I was rested and it grew on me. I’m looking forward to the second seasons for both of these series.
The other BBC One series I’ve fallen in love with is Ghosts (2019). This is the original series the American show, with the same name, is based on. But where I can’t bring myself to watch the American version because the trailer annoys me, the trailer for the British original was charming. The charms seeps through all four seasons. Plus, the show is hilarious! It’s become a a household favourite we can watch on repeat.
The Biggest Little Farm (Netflix) had been on my list to watch for so long I’ve forgotten who recommended it to me. I no longer know who to thank for bringing it to my attention, but I’m so glad that you did! I laughed. I cried. It was amazing to see how these farmers solved problems after they took the time to observe what was really going on in a situation.
Fleishman Is in Trouble (FX on Hulu). Even though this show really got on my nerves, Claire Danes was superb. It has loads of examples of how character observations shaped the story being told.