The first week of August vs. the bully in my brain
Warning: this post is sponsored by many exclamation points!!!
Monday, August 1:
I came up with a fun way to respond to a writing prompt that wasn’t sparking any joy for me.
The prompt was inspiring me to write about being born on my grandmother’s birthday. The same grandmother who was a Jehovah’s Witness. If you’re not familiar with the religion, Jehovah’s Witnesses aren’t supposed to celebrate birthdays, and yet my Gran always called me her birthday present.
For the first two decades of my life, celebrations for my special day included huge servings of guilt, confusion, and cake. My biggest wish was that I had been born three weeks earlier on the delivery date the doctors originally gave my parents. It was the only way I could imagine I’d have a birthday that was all my own. (FYI, the next two decades of my life have included me dealing with all the gunk that still comes up around my birthday at the end of August. Thanks, fam!)
Anyway, making this prompt more enjoyable so I’d actually write led me to a brilliant idea which then opened me up to an even larger writing project.
And that writing project is now something I’m SUPER pumped to be working on!!!
I’ve even dedicated a new visual journal to help me navigate the creative process of getting these stories out of me… and holy hell, is it ever getting filled quickly! (Look at me using fucked-up family shit as fertilizer!)
Tuesday, August 2:
A two-hour gabfest with my dear friend, and biggest cheerleader, after not being able to chat with them in ages was LIFE-GIVING! And yes, they cheered so hard when I shared the news about this writing project of mine!!!
I was a new “me” after our call. (Aren’t we all when we get to interact with people who just GET us?! Or they put an effort into trying to get us?!)
Wednesday, August 3:
I received the sweetest message from someone who had just purchased my course!!!
They wanted to let me know they had a big birthday coming up and had therefore asked their family to gift them a spot in my visual journaling course as their special present!!! (Excuse me while I wipe away some happy tears.)
I’m always thrilled when someone purchases my course and gets out of it what they need. But to get a message like this, and to know this person planned on diving into the material on their actual birthday… well, it gave me a giddy-gratitude hangover.
(Click here if you too want to join us in Exploring Creative Connection Through Visual Journaling.)
Thursday, August 4:
I received a scholarship to attend a writing academy I was hoping to get into!!!
»While I didn’t get one of the two original scholarships I applied for, an anonymous donor handed over some big bucks (literally that morning) and the organizers offered me an equivalent scholarship (that afternoon).«
This means I have access to resources, mentors, and support for the next three months so that I dig a little deeper into this project that’s keeping me up at night!!! The kindness of strangers still amazes me!
Friday, August 5:
Started the day adventuring with my kid so that we could eat French fries and Jelly Belly jelly beans, and then talk smack (respectfully) to each other using his new walkie talkies.
Ended the day with a rejection of an essay I’d submitted for publication.
I knew I’d taken a big swing with this submission, so the news did not surprise me. I even texted a friend that I was ok with it being declined.
However, the bully in my brain wasted no time organizing a pity party in my honour and turned me into a liar.
It even reminded me that I’d used this rejected essay as the writing sample I had to include in my scholarship application… and it hadn’t been “good” enough to help me snag either of those original scholarships… so why did I think it was ready to be published?!
Yep… the bully in my brain can be a real asshole.
So, I sent a second text to my friend that was along the lines of, “I lied. I’m not ok… but I will be.” Then I let my sobs break free while I tried to catch all the fluids leaking from my face with tissues that weren’t up for the task.
“Why did I think I could write well enough for [the publication I admire] when this same piece couldn’t even get me one of the two scholarships I was actually going for,” I wailed to my husband.
Thankfully, hearing myself say that out loud helped me hear how ridiculous this pity party truly was. And how the bully in my brain was trying to get me to ignore/forget all the goodness (greatness) I’d just experienced in the week. Grr.
So, I did what I usually do when I realize my brain is bullying me; I grabbed my visual journal and cried and created my way through a sappy movie [that was not worth remembering so I can’t share it’s name here]. This little process of mine is one of the fastest ways for me to feel through my feelings so they don’t linger for long.
Saturday, August 6:
I woke up, laughed at the ridiculousness the bully in my brain bolstered the night before and got back to creating.
So… how’s August been treating you? Met up with your own brain-bully recently?
I’d love to hear about it if you’d like to share.
Enjoy the rest of your day.
PS. This Twitter thread is a MUST READ:
PPS. I appreciate The Sea Beast (Netflix) encouraging people (especially kids!) to question authority and to think about who writes the history books. That it’s also super cute is simply a delightful bonus.
While I have read none of The Sandman graphic novels, I was excited to dive into The Sandman on Netflix. I absolutely loved some episodes, but others felt like those after school TV specials I grew up on in the 80’s that always ended with a moral being shoved down my throat. However, I did enjoy most of it… especially Death.
Season three of Trying (Apple TV+) is back and still making me laugh and cry.
Everything that Sharon Horgan puts her hands on piques my interest, but throw in a horrible, horrible man who keeps calling his wife “Mammy” in Bad Sisters (Apple TV+) and I’m very much looking forward to cheering on his sisters-in-law doing bad things to him for the rest of the season.
Zahn Tokiya-ku McClarnon is another actor I could watch in just about anything, so my major complaint about Dark Winds (AMC) is that it only has six episodes.
David Byrne’s American Utopia (HBO) took me back to the day I attended the concert (with the same name) live in Toronto during the summer of 2018.
I’d bought the tickets prior to knowing the show would happen two weeks into my rheumatoid arthritis diagnosis. My whole body made it known that it had zero interest or energy to fight traffic or crowds for hours so it could be squeezed into a seat and bombarded by loud music for even longer. Thanks go out to my friend who suggested we take the GO Train last minute so neither of us had to skip the show! It was beautiful to see the live performance and getting to watch it from many views in this documentary film (directed by Spike Lee) only made it better.