I trust I'm getting what I need

This still the hardest thing for me to do?

I began to work on these pages (above) before the pain demanded my attention.

Then came sadness.

Followed quickly by anger.

But it was while despair was visiting that I picked up my pencils and just wrote these words “I want to tell you” again and again.

The next part isn’t coming to me yet and instead of trying to push through and beg and plead to have an answer, I’m just sitting with everything that you’ll never see on these pages.

Because sometimes just being with my feelings is the point.

It can be awkward and uncomfortable.

It’s also powerful AF.

Through it all, I feel deeply connected to myself in ways that making something pretty or perfect could never do. Because I’m guilty of sometimes wanting to make things pretty and perfect so that I can be praised by someone else.

Maybe these pages will become the base layer for another creation.

Maybe these pages will remain as is.

I trust that I’m getting what I need out of them when I need it.

It’s quite a ride to see what wants to come up and out while I work and play in my visual journal.