I see you
I see you. You tell me you’re listening. But are you?
I see you.
You tell me that you’re listening now, but…
You never actually ask me how I’m doing.
You still don’t listen to (or follow) the Black woman (me!) who worked with you directly. Apparently, my words and my light-skinned face are only good enough to be used as a testimonial for your program/workshop/ebook.
You want me to tag you because you’re ”happy to take on the labour of explaining shit to white people anytime” but where were you when white fragility held me hostage in your workshop just a few months ago?
Why couldn’t you hear me four years ago when I told you that your kid’s sweet, white, animal-loving Montessori teacher reposts Rush Limbaugh and makes racist comments?
You send me private messages on social media not to check in with me, or even acknowledge the uprising that’s happening at the moment, but to “let me know” that you’re selling stuff so that I can share it with “anyone” who might be interested. AND that a portion of your proceeds will go to a “POC organization” (that’s as specific as it got) or it’s a pay what you can type of deal.
You’re an empath/HSP/introvert/(add any other label you want here) as a modifier for why you need to take time and/or why you’re silent… then you start hating on yourself… or lash out and continue to harm black and brown people who have been dealing with racism for much longer than this week. If you really want to do better consider this (make sure you read the caption).
You’re an anti-racist keyboard warrior but hide that self-appointed cape of yours when it comes to dealing with your family and friends who are racist because you want to keep the peace.
You laughed at the painful faces I made during the Parent’s School Council meetings because the white principal and parents talked to me like I have the comprehension of a toddler. But all should be forgiven because you whispered to me that you thought my idea was a good one, instead of speaking up because you feared being attacked like I was, right?
You only follow a handful of Black and Brown people and encourage everyone to follow them too because they’ve opened your eyes so much. Just a friendly reminder that just like white people, Black and Brown folks don’t all share the same thoughts and feelings. We’re individuals who also love, laugh and want to live.
You’re not really challenging yourself if you’re only listening to the individuals who say things in ways that don’t make you feel TOO uncomfortable.
You’re just collecting Black and Brown people on your social media feeds but you’re not engaging, buying from or supporting them in any other way.
You all of a sudden want to take pictures of your event when I walk into a room filled with mainly white people. I also see your bummed expression when I tell you I don’t want to have my picture taken because I’m not your diversity token.
You read my posts about my pain and struggles more than any of the ones about my joy.
You report my posts and newsletters about my pain and struggles as spam.
You tell me that you love how I see things… how much I’ve helped you, but you don’t share my work and continue to take from me for free.
You feel guilty and send me a private message to give me a self-centred apology “IF” you’ve harmed me. (STOP. IT.)
You feel guilty and send me a private message to recount the horror you’ve just watched and how you had to sit for a while to let these families’ experiences sink in. Imagine having these experiences multiple times a day for many, many, years but now you’re expected to hand out gold stars because someone has realized that they do in fact see colour.
I’m not talking about just one person. There have been many.
You may even recognize yourself in these. (I’m not sharing names. That’s not what this is about.) But know that these are all very real experiences that I’ve had.
Most of them are from just this week. (None of the ones where I’ve had to be in close proximity to a group of people. I’m still very much keeping my physical and social distance to keep me and those I love safe.)
But this list is not complete. You’re only getting a rather small sample.
These are just some of the reasons why I told my visual journaling participants the following:
“I want to be very clear that while I’m facilitating this course for you this month, I’m a biracial, black woman who is currently hurting and grieving.
I’m caring for myself, and those I love so that I can show up for you fully and help you connect to your inner wisdom and your feelings.
However, I will not tolerate white tears nor will I tolerate anyone telling any person of colour how they should feel or act.
(Click the link above if you don't understand what I mean by white tears. And make sure you google any other terms you aren't familiar with as well as additional resources you can access to learn how to be anti-racist.)”
I’ve had, and am having difficult conversations. I don’t have the luxury of not having them.
But let me be clear, I don’t care if this was difficult for you to read and I definitely don’t want you to waste your precious time messaging me because of your outrage and/or guilt or to tell me what you plan to do.
Show me instead.
I see you. (Do you see and hear me?)